The Yoga of Motherhood: What Real Self Care for Moms Actually Looks Like

If you’re like me, you’re OVER hearing the words “self care." Self-care is one of those terms that’s hurled at us over and over again…without much practical advice on how to actually make it happen. Experts and gurus and well-meaning support people beat the self-care gong like no tomorrow, with seemingly little idea of how we’re supposed to accomplish the dang thing.

So we don’t. And then we get frustrated each time some well meaning person tells us to “fill your own cup” or “put on your oxygen mask first” because, let’s get real…do these people even understand what we’re going through?!

Motherhood is infinite and relentless. Do we love it? Yes. Do we also sometimes (maybe a lot) feel like we’re drowning under it’s weight? 

Yes, we do. And it’s ok to admit that. 

I’m not here to convince you that doing yoga every morning will transform your experience of motherhood, or that you should stop and meditate every time you’re about to lose it on your kid for not putting on their shoes (even though you told them nicely 10 times already). 

We’re humans, and the demands of our families, aspirations, hobbies, careers, and dreams important…and heavy. Adding more “supposed to” items to your day is not going to help you. 

Does that mean I don’t think there’s hope? That we’re destined to struggle to survive this motherhood instead of thriving in it?

Nope. But I think our conversations about it need to change. 

Especially in the yoga world, we tend to offer yoga as the panacea to all life’s problems, as if making time for 20 minutes of yoga each morning will magically transform your life. And obviously, I think yoga IS amazing - but let’s be clear…it’s not magic. 

Adding yoga into your day won’t magically make you more patient or make your kids less annoying (yeah, I said it). It won’t make you some pillar of gentle parenting and self care, quietly sipping your tea while your children absorb your calm and play quietly. 

Man, that would be cool. But it’s just not how it works. And telling ourselves that that’s the goal sets us up for failure and yet another thing to feel frustrated about. 

But whether you ever make it onto your mat to move or not, yoga has a lot to offer all the same.

In fact, to summarize the wisdom of Sarah Ezrin, author of The Yoga of Parenting: 10 Yoga-Based Practices to Help You Stay Grounded, Connect with Your Kids, and Be Kind to Yourself (highly recommend, by the way)…parenting might just be the most advanced yoga of all. 

The fact is, yoga has a lot to offer other than just striking the poses and stretching out your body. Mindfulness techniques to help you feel more present with your kids? Heck yeah. Breathing practices to calm your nervous system before you flip your lid? Uh huh. Philosophical tenets that can help you reframe your understanding of motherhood and hone your self-compassion? You betcha. A healthy awareness of your true self within the storms of everyday life? Hallelujah, yes.

Yoga isn’t a magic pill - but there IS magic to be had when you learn to take yogic teachings off the mat and into your life (and heart). 

In the words of Suzannah Neufeld in her incredible book Awake at 3 a.m.: Yoga Therapy for Anxiety and Depression in Pregnancy and Early Motherhood, 

“Yoga doesn’t make us eternally calm or peaceful. It doesn’t make us good mothers or turn our children into magical unicorns devoid of suffering. We are still exhausted. We still need sleep, food, care from our community or from professionals. Yoga doesn’t fix us, but that’s ok - even better than okay - because we’re not broken. Yoga connects us to our whole self: mind, body, and heart. It connects us to our humanity and to our transcendent spaciousness. And when we hold our arms open to our full selves, welcoming even our darkness, we also welcome our light. We see the bigger picture of ourselves, remembering there is so much more to us than our struggles. Yoga, like our newborn babies, wakes us up.”

My yoga practice off the mat has been what grounds me again and again in motherhood, and has helped me wake up to the kind of mother and human I want to be (or maybe already am). 

Now, do I still lose it and yell at my kids without wanting to? Do I sometimes feel unseen, unappreciated, lonely and not really myself? Yeah, of course I do. Kids are hard. Life is hard. I’m a human. I try, and I fail…but now, I’ve made it easy to try again.

And those mom-rage moments happen less now. More often than not, because mindful awareness and self-care is built holistically into my day, I’m able to stop myself and put to use those yoga techniques I love for calming down - hand meditations, breathing, body scans, sensory grounding, affirmations, whatever. 

I’ve got a baseline to return to now, I practice loving compassion with myself and my kids, and my body and mind are used to going there again and again during the day…which means it’s not so hard to calm down when I’m all keyed up by the butterfly clip I just stepped on that was supposed to be picked up yesterday. The path is well-worn, and it leads to flowers now instead of weeds. 

Now of course, if you get the opportunity to take some really involved, prolonged self care time - DO IT. 

But we can’t hang all our hopes on that and leave ourselves to sink in daily life. Our ability to take care of ourselves can’t depend on someone else’s schedule or mood. We need the ability to care for ourselves in a way that works for this season of life rather than clinging to what we wish was possible. 

If this all resonates with you and sounds like something you’d like to know more about - I hope you’ll consider joining me at my upcoming workshop, Nurturing Motherhood. In addition to some ultra relaxing yoga designed specifically for moms, we’ll also be practicing proactive and in-the-moment self-care techniques to help you manage stress and overwhelm and create space for joy and love in your daily life. 

Registration is open now - I can’t wait to see you there!